i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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