Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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