This girl is more easily done than said...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
