So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
