I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
