new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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