You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
