My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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