My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
