Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
