There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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