No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
