Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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