when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
