I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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