okay pat passed out under dana's car
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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