Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
