There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
