Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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