you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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