halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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