party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
