i barfeds in our rink
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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