eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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