I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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