If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
