But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
