Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
3pm strippers are depressing
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
