There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
