I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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