alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
