Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Little spoons don't ask big questions
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
