My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
