Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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