At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Everyone says I win the strip club
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
