apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
