He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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