Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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