and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
