His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
