Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I still have a little drunk in my system
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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