If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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