Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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