for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
