I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
