I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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