Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She's better-looking with the mask on.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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