You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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