why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
