Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
